My last three years have been the most frustrating period of my life. I have had some very difficult times in my life, I think. I of my parents divorce and that was very tough. I also remember my last year of college and how none of my plans were working and I was really panicked about graduation and work after I was done. I almost flunked out my last semester (but that is for another day). My one year in Iraq was probably the most difficult time of my life. I had mortars and rocket fire into the base all the time, and every time we left the base, there were risks of car bombs, roadside bombs, kidnapping (remember the people being beheaded all the time?) and the mess hall.
None of those things have been as difficult as wondering what was going on with my body. I started getting sick in the summer of 07. Everything that was easy, became very difficult. I was tired all the time. I used to run (very slowly) distance. I could run about 5 miles, but it took an hour. I liked lifting weights, before. I was acting boss where I was work while the real boss was deployed to Central Asia. I had a lot of responsibility and I really enjoyed it. Then that all changed so quickly...
I was diagnosed with Human ParvoVirus B19. I understand that I was lucky to find out. Many people do not know what happens to them. The virus got into my bones and cause me to have arthritis and FATIGUE. I was SOOO tired. I seemed to sleep all the time. Anyway... that has been my life for the last almost 3 years. Sometimes, I wondered if I was going crazy. People that I respected spoke ill of me. Many of my friends vanished. I felt embarrassed about myself. I feel like a bad father and family member. What should be easy, is so difficult now. Everything is difficult. BOO HOO... but mostly, I felt so confused about myself and what had happened. Was I a gold bricker? Had I become the worlds biggest hypochondriac? I just wanted to feel better, or at least like I was before. Now I am going to be kicked out of the Army. I have lost all my personal standing in my army unit. I have been shunned by friends and co workers. My parents have been great, but still they can not do much and I am tired of "crying" to them about my condition.
My fear is really something now. I do not know what is going to happen next. I do not know what will happen to me after the army boots me out. How will I take care of my family? How will I pay my bills? How will I work for the rest of my life?
I am now beginning to make arrangements for my Medical Evaluation Board (MEB). They will start to check me out before throwing me to the curb. I got my first call this week about what happens next. I also got a call from a woman that might have an explanation what has happened to me. It might not be what I have thought. I might actually be exposed to a dangerous chemical and the Army did this to me. Like me... you will find out as I find out.
No comments:
Post a Comment